What to Do When You and Your Partner Parent Differently

It’s completely normal—and even healthy—for two parents to bring different perspectives and strengths to parenting. But when those differences feel like conflict rather than balance, it can create tension not only in your relationship, but also in your home environment and your child’s sense of security.

If you and your partner often disagree on how to handle discipline, routines, emotions, or expectations, you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves stuck between wanting to support each other and feeling frustrated or undermined.

The good news? Parenting differences don’t have to be a source of stress. With communication, curiosity, and collaboration, they can actually become one of your family’s greatest assets.

Why Parenting Styles Clash

Differences in parenting often come from:

• How each of you was raised

• Cultural or generational values

• Personal temperaments (e.g., one parent may be more structured, the other more flexible)

• How you process emotions or respond to stress

• What each of you believes children “need most” (independence, structure, freedom, nurturing, etc.)

Disagreements are not the problem—it’s how we manage them that matters.

Common Scenarios That Cause Friction

• One parent is more strict, the other more permissive

• One believes in natural consequences, the other leans toward punishment or rewards

• One is highly involved emotionally, the other tends to shut down or withdraw

• Disagreements in how to handle tantrums, bedtime, homework, screen time, or emotional outbursts

• One parent “gives in” and the other feels like the “bad guy”

Over time, these patterns can build resentment—and confusion for your child.

5 Steps to Parenting More as a Team

1. Get Curious, Not Critical

Instead of jumping into who’s “right” or “wrong,” ask each other:

• “Where do you think that approach comes from?”

• “What are you most afraid will happen if we don’t do it your way?”

• “What matters most to you in this situation?”

Understanding each other’s why can ease defensiveness and open the door to compromise.

2. Identify Shared Values

You may not agree on methods, but chances are, you both want similar outcomes—kindness, responsibility, confidence, safety. Name your shared values so you can start parenting from the same page, even if you take slightly different routes.

3. Talk When You're Calm—Not in the Moment

Trying to hash things out in front of your child or in the heat of a meltdown only fuels tension. Set aside quiet time to check in regularly as co-parents:

• “What’s been working lately?”

• “Where are we clashing?”

• “What would help us feel more united?”

Make these conversations a regular habit, not a last resort.

4. Avoid Undermining Each Other

Even when you disagree, it's important to show a united front—especially in the moment. If one parent makes a call you don’t agree with, hold off on correcting or criticizing in front of your child. Revisit the decision privately and work toward a better plan for next time.

Consistency—not perfection—helps kids feel safe and grounded.

5. Consider Therapy or Parent Coaching

Sometimes, differences run deep—or communication has already broken down. A therapist can help you:

• Understand each other’s parenting beliefs

• Find common ground

• Build stronger co-parenting tools

• Create a plan that supports your child and your relationship

You don’t need to be in crisis to ask for support. Parenting is hard—and learning to do it together is one of the most important investments you can make in your family’s emotional health.

Final Thoughts

Different parenting styles don’t mean you’re incompatible or failing. They mean you're human. When you work as a team—not despite your differences, but through them—you model collaboration, respect, and resilience for your children.

At Sunshine Horizons Marriage and Family Therapy, PLLC, I work with parents and couples to navigate the real-life challenges of raising kids with compassion, structure, and balance. If you and your partner are feeling disconnected or at odds when it comes to parenting, therapy can help bring clarity, communication, and confidence to your family dynamic.